We like to be liked
Something I coach dog parents about a lot is dog communication. Dogs communicate differently than us and simple misunderstandings cause many of the problems I see. One of the biggest of these problems is when their dog growls or barks. The common human reaction to growling or barking is to stop it by shushing the dog or correcting them with a leash jerk, electric shock, or verbal correction such as “no”, “quiet,” or “enough.”
At the heart of this human reaction is a little bit of evolution. Humans are an incredibly social species; we have for most of our existence relied on being part of a group for our survival. We are hard-wired to be liked because if you’re not liked and you get kicked out of the group, you’re on your own and that’s not very good for surviving, let alone passing on your genetic material.
We’re not quite as dependent on each other in modern life, but because of this evolutionary history we still care a lot about what other people think of us. We especially care what strangers think, because they don’t yet know us and therefore don’t have the capacity to forgive transgressions as easily. As the saying goes, you only get one chance to make a first impression!
So when our dogs growl or bark at something we take it personally because it looks bad on us. It says we’re a bad dog parent because our dogs aren’t well socialized, we don’t have manners ourselves, or we obviously haven’t bothered to do any basic training (spoiler alert: none of these things are true about you!). But here’s the thing – dog growls and barks are not a reflection of you, they are simply forms of communication. They’re your dog’s way of saying they need a change in the environment because they are uncomfortable, scared, or something else.
Conflict is costly
Despite common misperceptions, dogs don’t actually like conflict. No species does. Being aggressive, fighting, and upsetting others costs a lot of energy (not to mention increases the risk of getting injured). It’s much better to simply walk away or diffuse a conflict with body language, and that’s what dogs prefer to do. But our dogs are mostly unable to exit tough situations because not only do we keep them on a leash for their safety, but we decide where they go and when, how long they stay, and who they interact with. This means they have little if any choice about the situations they get put in, including in their own home. And if they are somewhere where they feel unsafe and they aren’t able to leave, telling you about it is the next safest option they have.
A critical component of growls and barks is that they are safe forms of communication. No one gets hurt when a dog growls or barks. In fact, it’s your dog’s way of preventing injury. Growling and barking are clear signals that come before a bite, not after. So when a dog is growling or barking, they’re saying “back off” and it’s wise to listen because after that, their only option may be to bite and no one wants that (including the dog!).
Dogs rarely bite without warning – we often just don’t see those warnings or we aren’t listening to them. Or perhaps we have told our dogs their warnings are not allowed. When we shush or correct our growling and barking dogs we’re telling them two things: 1: you’re not allowed to express your feelings and 2: those feelings aren’t valid. But guess what? Your dog still has those feelings and when we suppress them or prevent them from being communicated we put everyone at risk.
Advocate for safety
So what’s a dog parent to do? First, if your dog is growling or barking rule out physical health conditions and pain. Being sick or in pain is not only hard physically, it’s hard mentally. I know I’m not my best mentally and emotionally when I have a headache, my joints hurt, or I have the flu. We all have a lowered emotional capacity when we’re not feeling our best and our dogs are the same. So any time their behavior changes or is abnormal visit your vet first.
Second, seek out the services of a force-free dog behaviorist. If there aren’t any underlying medical issues, the most likely explanation is an environmental cue or trigger that is leading to the barking/growling. A trained professional can assess the situation, identify potential factors, and give you positive-based tools to help you and your dog.
Third (and this is a hard one), don’t take it personally. You haven’t failed as a dog parent because your dog is barking or growling. In fact, I think it’s a good sign that your dog feels comfortable telling you they need help. Dogs that don’t feel safe don’t always bark or growl because they may have learned it doesn’t work. Think about it this way: you’re likely never going to see that random stranger at the park again so who cares what they think? And if they’re going to judge you because your dog is communicating about their emotions, I’d question whether you should be worried about that person’s judgement anyway.
Fourth (and this is a big one), don’t correct your dog or tell them to stop. Remember that growling and barking are safe communications – no one gets hurt. Instead, support your dog by throwing treats at them, telling them it will be ok, safely removing them from the situation, and taking deep breaths yourself. Our dogs depend on us to give them cues about the world. When we act like things are safe they are more likely to believe it. And don’t worry that you’re “rewarding the barking” because that’s simply not true. Your dog is having an emotional experience and your support with food and compassion helps reframe it for them.
Finally, listen to your dog! When your dog is growling or barking they are telling you they need something to change. It’s your job as their guardian to figure out what that is and help them. For example, if you are in a group training class and your dog is growling at the trainer or another dog, ask for a visual barrier (or consider whether group class is appropriate for your dog). If your dog is around children and is growling, remove your dog or the children from that situation immediately. If they’re spending all day barking out the window at passersby, put some window film up to block their view. The actual reason your dog is barking or growling may not yet be clear, but if you can change the environment to make your dog feel safer you’re already on the right track.
We have a lot of feelings about our dog’s feelings. At the end of the day, I care most about what my dog thinks of me, not a stranger. I have chosen to be my dog’s guardian and caretaker and that comes with a lot of responsibility including providing them with safety and security. So the next time your dog barks or growls, instead of feeling embarrassed or trying to get them to stop, think about what they’re trying to tell you, and then listen. Because it’s important.
